There are so many hours I’ve wasted wanting, waiting for something to change, something to pass. Too caught up in what’s next to appreciate the now. Too concerned about schedules and plans to appreciate the beauty in the curve balls and interruptions. Not fully understanding the gifts or lessons in those moments until long after they’ve passed.
My heart longs for the moments when there wasn’t anything to do or anywhere to be. We could simply sit, talk, and enjoy each other. I used to feel guilty about “doing nothing” but have come to realize that everything that truly matters happens in those moments.
The stillness gives me space to open up, let my guard down, ask questions, and truly listen. Those moments of deep, meaningful connection allow me to see the beauty life has to offer. No constraints, no perceptions, no expectations. Just pure and simple connection.
My favorite memory of my Grandma was sitting at the kitchen table with her, just the two of us, after coming home from college to visit. She was sick…dying…and it was a rare moment for just the two of us to be alone. We ate chocolate chip ice cream, talked and laughed like we always did, and then we caught each others’ eye, paused, and both began to cry.
We realized there wouldn’t be many moments like this left. And then, we dove deep into all the questions we’d been avoiding. What started as an exchange of painful “why’s” and discussion about being afraid of what was ahead, a life without each other, evolved into a great exploration of the life, memories, and relationship we had shared. For the first time, I saw Grandma for so much more. A peek behind the curtain and into her soul. We were honest and real. We said all the things we had been holding in and holding back. Made up for all those moments we had been to rushed, or were too afraid to explore.
Months later, when she was too weak to say much and I knew we didn’t have much time, we sat hand-in-hand just looking into each others’ eyes. Knowing we were so lucky to have said all those things, explored each others’ hearts, and could carry that with us forever.