Holy Release

You are with me everyday.
In my head. In my heart.
Sometimes it’s as if I can feel you in my bones.

I get confused about where I end and where you begin.
Especially when you’re suffering. When you cry out for help.

What is my part? Your part?
How do I support without taking away your power?

What do I do when we’ve come to a place where it’s clear my help has become a tool for your destruction?

Everything in me wants to do what I’ve always done…rescue, protect, then go on pretending.

To keep our relationship. To stay close.

So I pray. For strength to break these chains that bind us.
To find our way back to each other in something real.

I pray that beyond needing each other we will be known by each other.

I pray we can let go of all that has been to start again.

I pray for what is possible…

I do not want to settle for this, if that is what could be.

Until then, I will love you every moment from afar, longing for the day we can be close again.