“They are not problems to be fixed, but mysteries to be honored and revered.”
This quote about people continues to resound in my head from Eugene Peterson’s The Pastor: A Memoir.
Throughout my years coaching leaders and supporting organizations through change, I have encountered so many people who wanted me to “come in and fix it.” But people aren’t problems to be fixed.
The way we move through personnel and cultural issues is fundamentally different from the way we move through systems, processes, structures, and strategy. Yet we haven’t equipped leaders well enough to understand the difference—or to navigate the human side of change with the same intentionality we bring to everything else.
And because of this, many leaders are unintentionally building organizations of compliance rather than commitment.
The initiatives move forward. The things get done. Directives are given, deadlines are met, and tasks are completed. But something is missing. There is a lack of ownership. A lack of responsibility. A lack of energy and spirit. People may be doing what is asked, but they aren’t necessarily in it.
And the sad part is that this has become so normal that we have started to believe commitment isn’t really possible. So we do the best we can. We lower our expectations. We forge ahead.
Maybe you’ve had thoughts like these:
- I wish people would just get over it and move on.
- I don’t understand why they are struggling so much.
- Why are they being so emotional?
- I don’t understand why they don’t get it.
- I just want to move forward.
If so, this is for you.
Because while I understand this approach—and, if I’m being honest, I have taken it many times myself—I don’t believe it is the most effective way forward. People don’t move through change simply because we have explained the change well enough. They move through change when they have been given the opportunity to understand, grieve, process, connect, and eventually see themselves in what comes next. That takes time.
In a culture where people often begin from a place of distrust, it takes even longer. When trust is low, compliance becomes much easier than commitment. A more effective style of leadership isn’t solved by reading another leadership book. This isn’t primarily an intellectual issue. It’s a human issue...dare I say a heart issue.
We have forgotten—or perhaps never been taught—that leading people requires us to actually know them, listen to them, care about what they are experiencing, and be willing to walk with them through difficult things. But there is an important balance here.
We can become so committed to keeping everyone comfortable that we lose sight of the mission. We can become so afraid of people’s reactions that we avoid hard decisions, difficult conversations, and necessary change. That isn’t healthy leadership either. So how do we find the balance?
In my experience, it begins with a question: Do we trust our leaders and one another enough to move forward? Then we recognize that commitment is not something we can demand. It is something we cultivate.
There is a process to that cultivation:
CHANGE → GRIEF → REORIENTATION → CONNECTION → ALIGNMENT → MISSION
Change: First, people need to understand what is happening. What is changing? Why? What isn’t changing? What do we know? What don’t we know yet? Clarity matters.
Grief: Then we have to make room for what has been lost. What are people afraid of losing? What are they disappointed about? What do they wish were different? What do they need us to understand? We don’t have to agree with every feeling to honor it.
An important note: Acknowledging someone’s experience is not the same as surrendering our leadership.
Reorientation: When they are ready, people need help looking forward. Who are we now? What remains important? What gifts do we still have? What might be possible? Moving forward doesn’t mean the past didn’t matter, it means we begin to imagine that something good can come next.
Connection: People rarely commit to something they feel disconnected from. We need to create opportunities for people to know one another, build trust, share stories, discover common ground, and find their place. Relationship precedes collaboration.
Alignment: Once people feel heard, connected, and oriented toward the future, we can begin to align around purpose, priorities, roles, expectations, and the work that needs to be done. This is where leadership gets practical. We can make decisions. Establish expectations. Create accountability. Move forward.
Mission: Finally, we can turn our attention outward. Not to ask, How do we preserve what we’ve always done? But, What are we being called to do together now? That’s the difference between compliance and commitment.
Compliance asks: What do I have to do?
Commitment asks: What are we building together, and what part am I called to play?
Our problem is not that people don’t want to commit, it’s that we haven’t created the conditions where commitment can grow. People are not problems to be fixed. They are people to be known, to be heard, to be invited, to be challenged, to be trusted, to be led. Ultimately, people to be called into something greater than themselves.
The goal isn’t to get people to move forward, it is to help them find their place in what comes next—and then invite them to move forward together.
Grit, Gratitude, and Grace 