Floating in 2023

My One Word for this year was “float,” a word I resisted with vigor when it chose me. My heart and mind were firmly set with plans for growth and achievement and there was no room for “floating.” Yet, I had learned from previous years that when we word keeps coming back to me, it has lessons for me and I need to listen…and this one sure did.

Float helped me realize in 2023 just how much of my life I have been forcing. Float helped me understand what it really means to have faith and truly trust. Float taught me, once again, how beautiful life can be when I relinquish control and allow. Float helped me remember what really matters. Float allowed me to find a renewed sense of joy and peace in the most challenging circumstances. Float invited me to remember what it’s like to have fun and enjoy life again.

As someone who is wired for growth, always working to improve, and determined to hit a goal at any cost, I had a false understanding that floating was equated with laziness. Friends, floating is hard. It takes focus, commitment and discipline. A willingness to dream big and allow. To live in duality. Floating taught me that it is important to have intentions and goals, and equally as important to make regular time to reflect, learn and pivot as circumstances change and as we change.

In a similar vein, float helped me realize that I continue to operate within a pattern that is no longer serving me. Because of my life experiences, I naturally tend to over plan and over exert control in order to find a sense of security. This causes me to force things, and to get too wrapped up in a certain way or particular path. I can devolve into a place where I’m so focused on the goal that I kill the joy out of things and become not so fun to be around.

Because of my life experience, I also desire external validation and have a need to see constant progress. I’m always wondering if I’m doing enough, if I’m doing things right or well. I constantly need a grade. I have a hard time resting because there is always something else to do or more to accomplish. I get so focused on achieving that I lose sight of what’s most important…my relationships.

These narratives and patterns I have operated from since I was little came about because at one time I was regularly exposed to situations that were not safe. For a long time, I walked through life with the core truth that, “I am not safe.” This may have been true at one time, but it isn’t any longer, and operating in these patterns and with this narrative is now detrimental to my health and my growth.

For me, learning to float was just what I needed. This word taught me lessons based on where I am in my journey and how I am wired because of my life experiences. This word would likely mean something different for someone else. That’s the beauty of the One Word exercise!

At the beginning of 2023 I had big plans for what I wanted to accomplish. I had taken most of January off to recover from a busy 4th quarter in 2022 and give myself some extra space to get ready for 2023. I basically slept the first 4 days of 2023. I had gone too hard for too long. This reality coupled with the word float had me asking myself what got me here, and challenging myself to really consider how I was feeling physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally.

As I embarked on my planning, I thought less about what I wanted to accomplish and more about who I wanted to be and how I wanted to feel. What float was calling me to. I came to realize that all those plans I had made were going to need some refining. Even deeper, I started to understand that my definition of success had begun to change. While I still wanted growth and financial stability, I wanted connection, meaning and peace just as much. This would require a change in how I lived and worked.

Ultimately, I came to the conclusion that I was being called to do less so that I could be more. Reduce the quantity of things to improve the quality of things.

I took inventory of everything on my to do list both personally and professionally, and of my priorities: faith, family, friends, my health, volunteering, etc. I put the list in order of what mattered most, and put alongside each priority and commitment the investment of time and energy. Now I could see, in black and white, why I was so exhausted by the conclusion of 2022. I was trying to shove way too much in. I was still in the habit of checking things off the list and measuring success in quantity vs. quality.

I was deep in my pattern of seeking validation from the world and setting extrinsic vs. intrinsic goals. Things that were visible and measurable vs. investing where my relationships and character would develop but weren’t as measurable. Seeking short-term wins vs. investing in the long-term. I had an identity crisis sitting in front of me.

I have always been known for getting things done. I have been proud of the fact that I can get more done than most people in a day. Yet I had changed. Now, the person I wanted to be and the life I wanted to live called for a different definition of success. More fulfilling. More present. More open. More loving. More collaborative. More meaning. More intention. More depth. Less about the doing, and more about the being in the doing.

I still have big dreams and big goals, but I want to be true, good and loving on the journey. I want to enjoy and accomplish. Live in the duality of what life has to offer. Not in the middle, but not on one extreme or the other…holding both extremes at the same time. This would require a new way of thinking, being and doing. One that would bring me back to the big, essential questions again, that I have continued to visit each new year: What’s it all for? What’s the meaning of life? What will matter in the end? What does success mean to me? The questions I visit over and over with my clients…these same questions are the questions I use to refine my own life and work.

In order to get clarity, I knew I needed space. I needed less in order to float. To get back to what’s essential. So I started to cut. Even though I wasn’t ready. Cutting things I thought were very important and meaningful. Cutting in ways that made me very uncomfortable. I had to strip it all back to the core and be radical in reducing if I wanted to live differently and align to float.

I stepped back on my commitments. I reclaimed time for things that brought me joy. I scheduled several vacations and days off. I reduced the number of clients I worked with. I reduced the hours I worked in a day to make more space for time with God and with family. I radically reduced the load…and I was terrified.

What balls would drop? What about all the people who needed me? What about my dreams and goals? What about the growth of our business? How could all of this work out if I was floating?

As you can see…and this exercise helped me see, I had been putting my faith and trust in me and the control I was trying to exert over things. The reality was that balls did drop and the world didn’t fall apart. People did and didn’t need me as much as I thought they did, yet they got along just fine. My dreams and goals continued to unfold and come to life without me forcing them to. Our business grew and thrived. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t surrendered and allowed myself to live it.

I found a new way to be in relationship with myself, others and the world. I found a new way of living and working that was more peaceful, joyful, compassionate and fulfilling.

I had a renewed sense of energy for things that mattered most. I had margin and space to make intentional pivots and change plans. The anxiety and stress started to melt away. I began to see more and more how little control I really had, and how freeing and lovely that can be. My relationships were strengthened. The value of my work increased. All because I was doing less and floating. I know it sounds impossible, but it’s true.

Based on how I’m wired and where I am in my life experience, float has inspired me to lean into surrender and acceptance. Allowing vs. resisting. Float has reinvigorated my faith. Reminding me that while I do have a part to play, I am not in control and need to make room for God to do His part and others to do theirs.

Floating strengthens my character and helps me rebuild the trust I need to extend to others in order to have and keep successful relationships. Float has helped me find fun again and remember that enjoying life, investing in relationships and resting are critical to living a good life and being the human I want to be. This s a little of what float has taught me and it has me wondering, what could float teach you?