Holy Love

Loving You has been the most confusing, frustrating, exhilarating, and satisfying thing I’ve done.

I want Your love with all that I am, and yet I fight against receiving it. The world says, “You don’t deserve it.” My ego says, “You have not done enough.” Yet You tell me over and over, “I love you no matter what and in spite of it all.”

I know You give Your love freely, but I have a hard time believing it so it feels like a constant fight to receive it.

It’s a daily battle. Reorienting my thinking. Cutting off the contrary voices. Surrendering completely and allowing Your love to come anyway, in spite of me.

I have no frame of reference for this kind of reckless love. No human experience with this kind of grace.

In the silence and solitude: on walks, in prayer, in the pew, I feel Your overwhelming love like the sun breaking through the clouds. I know it is real. I know You are here, with me. All loving, all knowing.

Then things fade. My head and heart get noisy again. The clouds consume me.

Maybe this is the dance of this human experience with You. Seeking always if only for those small moments of beauty and wonder we carry as reminders of the Truth.

You are always there, shining like the sun.

God empty me and cleanse me. Purify my mind and my heart. Fill me with Your love and Your wisdom.

I want to spend more time in Your light and become it.

Thank You for loving me. For being patient with me. For never giving up on me.

I promise to do the same.