*The photo is from our favorite trip together, to the Grand Canyon, several years ago. Marsha (my mother-in-law) had an adventurous spirit and we saw it in all its glory that day.
The first time I met Marsha was Mother’s Day, a long while after Mitch and I began dating. She welcomed me with open arms on the day we were to be celebrating her and said, “It’s about time we get to meet you. Why has he been hiding you?” That was Marsha. Warm, welcoming, funny. Over the years she loved me as if I were her own daughter. Being part of her life and family has been an incredible blessing to me.
As you all know, Marsha suffered greatly with chronic pain and other complications from rheumatoid arthritis since she was young. Yet she did not let these things define her or dampen her spirit.
Marsha was fiercely independent and she had her own ideas about how things should be done. As her mobility declined, I took over cooking when we visited, but Marsha didn’t hesitate to hand me the recipes she wanted me to use and coach my process…from time-to-time questioning or even challenging my approach. We would go back and forth and end up in giggles. That fight in her was clear until the end. She made sure we all knew who was boss.
Marsha had a great sense of humor. Once she asked me to pluck her eyebrows and she could tell I was nervous. In the middle of plucking she said, “Ow! That hurt!” I thought I had pulled her skin (my worst nightmare), but she was just razzing me. I proceeded to actually make her bleed, which she took in stride. When we visited her these last few months at the care community, she was quick to ask us to break into her chocolate stash and when she had crumbs on her, she reminded us that she was simply saving some for later.
Marsha was passionate about community and civic engagement. She was involved in just about every club, circle and volunteer opportunity you could think of (something Shayna now carries on for her). When she could no longer physically participate, she continued to be an important financial supporter of many things, and she enjoyed staying updated by reading the paper and any letters or newsletters from the organizations she loved.
Marsha loved so well. Even in her last weeks on this Earth she was writing birthday cards. She enjoyed picking them out special for each person, and writing a personalized note. She was always curious about what was going on in our lives, and wanted us to share every detail. There was no leaving a visit without hugs and kisses. And Marsha loved us enough to shoot us straight when we needed it. When Mitch and I were newly married and sharing our struggles about budgets and what we spent money on, she looked me dead in the eye and said, “You better lighten up and enjoy it while you can, trust me, I know.” This is something I needed to hear and am grateful she loved me enough to say it.
What I admired most about Marsha was her pursuit of joy. She didn’t allow the circumstances of her life to steal joy from her, and she found joy in the smallest moments. I want to leave you with this poem I found that reminded me of Marsha’s pursuit of joy and can serve as inspiration for all of us. But first, I want to say that we miss her terribly, especially her hugs and her laughter. We will carry her with us in our hearts and continue to be inspired by her strength and courage as we face our own adversity. We know she has made it to her special place in Heaven with the ultimate joy maker and we are grateful for that.
JOY CHOSE YOU BY DONNA ASHWORTH
Joy does not arrive with a fanfare on a red carpet strewn
with the flowers of a perfect life
joy sneaks in
as you pour a cup of coffee watching the sunlight
hit your favorite tree, just right
and you usher joy away because you are not ready for her your house is not as it should be for such a distinguished guest
but joy cares nothing for your messy home or your bank-balance, or your waistline, you see
joy is supposed to slither through the cracks of your imperfect life
that’s how joy works
you cannot truly invite her
you can only be ready when she appears and hug her with meaning
because in this very moment
joy chose you
Grit, Gratitude, and Grace 