Up until 2018 I was running hard and fast. I was involved in a ton of things, had a ton of “friends,” and was traveling all over the country. Living what appeared to be a great life. What you couldn’t see was my physical and mental health were at an all time low. I was sick from stress and my spirit running on empty. In trying to control, everything felt out of control and I was lost.
In the last part of 2017 a friend helped me see that no matter how much I had, how much I did, it would not be enough to fill that empty feeling. He encouraged me to shift my thinking from doing to being. I decided that regardless of what I was doing, I wanted to be a person who brings joy and hope to others. To be that kind of person, I had to find a sense of peace. I had to find a way to be happy in every moment regardless of the circumstance.
It became clear that what I needed wasn’t more, it was less.
- Less to do = More time to be
- Less noise = More silence
- Less stuff = More savings (and more sanity)
- Less choices = More freedom
- Less connections = More friends
- Less commitments = More success
- Less worry = More bold moves
- Less demons = More love
That extra time to read, reflect, and write showed me I was running away from old wounds and past demons I needed to face. I was saying yes to things to please others instead of myself. I was building a life on society’s definition of success instead of God’s. So I stopped. I quit things. I said no. I slowed down.
I sat face-to-face with my demons, and I took time to heal old wounds through reflection, meditation, writing, and multiple forms of counseling (both official with professionals, and unofficial with friends and family). I found a new path to healing through my friend Jai and her energy healing and Reiki work. I found a new layer of myself in my sessions with her and I reconnected to God and to myself in a deep and tangible way.
There were tears, kicking and screaming, anger, fear, shame, all the negative emotions you could imagine. It was hard. But woven into it all was love. Honest, vulnerable, and real love. I have connected with God, myself, my husband, and friends and family this year in ways I never knew were possible. There have been soul-shaking moments that remind me what it means to be alive and to be human.
2018 has been a year of less in which I have discovered the “more” to life I have been searching for. I embrace the quiet, yearn for silence, hold on longer, dig deeper, give more freely, ask for what I need, challenge and encourage myself and others. I spend time with God every day listening and asking. He gives me comfort that I am right where He wants me to be.
Peace is more present in 2018. I am devoting 2019 to purpose, and diving head first into why God put me on this Earth. I will listen, obey, follow, and trust Him. Pray for me please…I will need it!
My prayers to you on your journey in the new year. I hope it’s the best year yet!