What is this telling us? I recently came across this question in an interview between Simon Sinek and Trevor Noah on Sinek’s podcast (one of my favorites), A Bit of Optimism. I expected the conversation to be cheeky and fun, and while it was full of energy and laughter, it also had a lot of depth.
I fell in love with this question and the way they used it. It has an expansive nature that calls us beyond judgment and into curiosity related to any person, situation, or issue we face. It invites us beyond division or duality and into a larger conversation.
I was recently talking with one of my favorite teenagers. She’s a bright young woman with an impressive intellect and an inspiring heart. She said, “I’ve got some questions and things I want to explore, but I’m a little scared to talk about them.”
I was surprised because over the past few years we have explored many topics, many that people would consider intimate or even taboo. We had done so freely, curiously, and in a way that always ended with good, open energy.
I was curious if I had said or done something to make her believe she couldn’t share something with me or if she feared I would judge her. She told me that it wasn’t really about me, but that she had so many challenging interactions with adults and peers on the subjects she was afriad. She kept dancing around so finally I invited her to at least just share the topics with me.
No surprise, her questions and the things she wanted to discuss were about politics and religion.
“I’m in!” I said maybe a little too enthusiastically. “Let’s hear what you’re thinking about.”
She explained how challenging it had become to discuss these two areas with anyone, and shared stories of ways she had attempted to explore and discuss politics and religion with different people. My heart hurt for the judgment and the criticism she faced in these interactions.
What troubled me most was her genuine passion for the subjects and her openness and curiosity. She had enjoyed her studies in government, and was trying to understand people’s thoughts and choices. Since she was young she has had genuine, deep questions about faith, again driven by a desire to better understand. No judgement, just exploration.
Yet those she engaged with had little or no capacity for her to hold the question, what is this telling us as she explored these topics and specific scenarios.
Because these days, questions feel like threats. Having an opinion pulls you into a stereotype or puts you in a category.
You either believe or you don’t. You’re either on this side or that side.
What I reflected back to her was that she was on the right track, despite the resistance she faced. These subjects, politics and religion, are so much more complex than “this or that,” “yes or no.”
They require openness. They require questioning. They require uncomfortable discussions. Wrestling, rumbling, wondering, exploring. They require courage. Courage to talk about them and continue exploring despite the inability of others to stay open.
A discussion about politics or religion can be so much more than about a person, a party, an affiliation, a demolition, or rituals. How do we expand past those limiting factors that get us into arguments to talk about deeper and more important things like values, beliefs, character, morals, ethics, and what it looks and feels like to create an environment where everyone and everything can thrive?
But we aren’t equipped. Most of us have never learned how, or have lost the ability to have an opinion and stay open and create space for different perspectives and opinions. We have placed winning over connection, conquering over honoring.
Some of us have let our fear and insecurity create in us an insatiable appetite for power and control that shows up as greed, consumerism, violence, and hate…that we excuse in the name of safety and protection.
Others of us have let our fear and insecurity create in us a level of apathy and relativism that muddles morality and lowers our standards to the place where we stand for nothing…and we excuse it in the name of being nice and upholding individuality.
There is a better way, but it requires work, it requires wrestling. Advocating and surrendering. Knowing and learning. Stating and listening. Offering and inviting. All while trying to use language that is open, expansive, and compassionate or at least neutral.
This is tough. This is vulnerable. This is messy. This is brave.
I’m trying and messing it up every single day. But I keep trying. Refusing to get stuck in a narrative that forces me to choose. Fighting for a third way.
Pushing through the judgment and the rejection, and resisting the desire to shut down or shut up. Saying the wrong thing then learning, apologizing, and trying again. Listening purposefully to others who have a very different lived experience and different opinion than mine.
And when I find myself in a system where I have to choose one side or one label, I work to exist within that system in a way that is open, curious, and expansive. Helping others see that there is more work to be done and expansive ways of thinking are always available to us.
Devolving into dualism is easy. Accepting apathy is comfortable. Relating to relativism is safe.
But this is not the way of the wise, and I pray not the way of our world.
Keep wrestling. Keep working to stay open. Have the courage to open yourself up to judgment and pain. Be a safe place for someone to have a dissenting opinion that you can explore together. It is only there that we have a chance at understanding each other and finding a third way.
I love to be right, but most often I am wrong. I want to know for sure, but I must surrender to the fact that I don’t. I love to be the hero, but the reality is that I am the victim and the perpetrator too.
I have struggled to pay bills, and I have consumed things I don’t need that exploit others and damage the planet. I have bullied others, and I have been bullied. I have used my power and control in ways that oppress, and I have been the subject of oppression.
We must work toward connections and conversations that are bigger than the petty things we fight about. We have lost sight of what is important and it’s time to wake up and try something new.
We must remember the truth that we are all one – we must be able to see ourselves in each other – the bright and beautiful parts and the dark and scary parts.
We might not agree with each other. We may not even like each other. Yet, we are all human.
This seemingly impossible task is our divine call. Back to each other. Back to love.
Grit, Gratitude, and Grace 