On Being Forgotten

“They didn’t even know that I was the one who did that,” I recently had an elder share with me in a frustrated and exasperated tone.

In his later years, he was sharing about all the things he was proud of and had accomplished in his life. I sensed what I thought could be the fear of being forgotten, and it got me thinking…

We spend so much of our life proving that we are somebody, to do good, to make change, to create a lasting impact, to leave a legacy. And for what? Just to be forgotten? For it all to be lost?

100 years after you die, will your name ever be spoken again? Will the memory of you live on?

Maybe this is why we strive so much for fame and fortune. To put our name on walls, to acquire things, to become someone everyone knows…so we will be remembered. As if being known and remembered is the measure of a good life.

I know that can’t be true. Some of the best humans I know who lived the most magical and meaningful existences were unknown to most people. They lived quiet and simple and very good lives…and they did a lot of good.

As I have reflected on that conversation further, I have found some freedom and peace in the idea of being forgotten.

A friend and I were talking the other day about world events, circling the question, “What is mine to do here?” It’s a weighty question with so many angles and considerations. The follow up question being, “Am I doing enough?”

These two questions offer us an invitation to consider a specific scenario, and more broadly, our whole life.

These two questions scare us because they are unanswerable.

These two questions are to be lived, with a constant and never ending openness to and consideration of them. There is no answer we will arrive at, but staying in relationship with them and allowing them to teach us is how we can make peace with them.

The idea of being forgotten at the end of my life frees me from the pressure I sometimes feel to do something about everything.

It releases me from the grasp of distraction and anxiety that threaten to destroy me in a silent but deadly way…by killing my spirit and pulling me into neutrality and numbness.

It helps me come back to the present moment, back to my passions and priorities, and put my time, energy, and money toward them to make positive change with clarity and focus.

It reminds me to enjoy every day, and to seek joy and accept peace in every single moment.

“The days are long but the years are short,” they say.

A good life looks different for everyone.

How can you live in a way that gives you peace, knowing that whether you are remembered or not, you lived the life you wanted and created the impact you intended?

It’s not so much about what we get to do with our time in this life, but more about how and why we do what what do.

We can go through the motions day after day with no meaning, no peace, no joy or we can find the meaning, peace, and joy in even the most mundane moments and tasks.

When our hearts and minds are filled with peace and joy, when our lives are infused with meaning, then we don’t care so much whether or not we are remembered.

Because we lived, and that’s all that matters.