How did I get here? What day is it? What am I doing with my life? Is this all there is?
I can’t do this anymore.
These are the questions that indicate something needs to change. This is the statement when I know someone is ready to make a real change.
Moving beyond stress and distraction isn’t a one time thing, it’s an every single day battle.
The good news: with practice, it does get easier over time.
The bad news: the majority of human beings will not have the courage to say, “I can’t do this anymore” or if they have the courage to say it, won’t have the courage to take those first hard steps of personal transformation and changing their circumstances that allow them move beyond stress and distraction.
I know this because I’ve been there myself. Over and over and over again.
I know this because I’ve witnessed clients say it, and then abandon the process when things get too hard.
I know this because the top regret of the dying is: I wish I lived a live true to myself.
Meet Leslie. An accomplished young career woman, married with with two small children. She was up for a promotion and knew that there were a few things she wanted to evolve so she could be the best she could be in her new role and taking on additional responsibilities. This is why she inquired about coaching with me.
I was amazed at her career achievements and how well respected and trusted she was within her organization and by her clients, especially at such a young age. Over the course of our first couple of sessions, I invited her to share with me her typical day, week, and month.
I learned that during the entirety of her career, she had been working 7 days a week. Not taking her allotted vacation. Rarely doing anything other than working and taking care of the basic needs of her family.
She shared this with an err of nonchalance, while I was doing everything I could not to let the stress of her reality show on my face. I couldn’t help but ask…”How are you doing this? And how are you feeling?”
Those questions created discomfort for Leslie. I watched her squirm in her seat and study my face. She seemed to be searching for the “right” answer to give me.
I offered that I had not yet had a client share that type of schedule with me, and I was trying to understand how she was making it all work.
That’s when I saw the tears well up in her eyes.
We sat in silence for a while, and I invited her to share what the tears were about.
After some time she said, “I just thought this is what everyone was doing and for some reason I was struggling to make it work.”
We explored that statement for a while, talking through different people and scenarios. I offered perspective and ideas. I could see the weight melt off and her shoulders drop. I could feel her body calm down and open up in a new way as she realized this isn’t what everyone else did and she could make another choice if she wanted.
Leslie said, “Well, I wasn’t expecting this but I’m ready to make a change. I want to get my priorities in order and not feel like I’m just struggling to survive. But I also want to be successful at work. It fills me and I’m good at it. Is that possible?”
The sentiment behind these words, a desire to create more alignment, authenticity, and intention…it’s always music to my ears. It’s what I long to be invited into with clients.
“Yes,” I said. “It’s possible but it might be the most difficult thing you’ve faced and hardest work you’ll do. The world wants us stressed out and distracted so you’ll be working against the natural flow of things. The people closest to you are used to the pattern you’re in and that pattern is going to change which impacts them. The hardest fight of all will be inside you. Our brains don’t like change, and the voices inside your head will get loud. Things will not be easy and things will fall apart, but if you are willing to stay open through it all, we can find a new way forward.”
I am happy to report that Leslie said yes, leaned in, and has stayed committed through the most challenging parts of the journey. A little over a year later, things have changed quite dramatically.
She is happier, healthier, and more calm, so much so that her family, friends, and coworkers have taken notice and commented. Her family dynamics and the routines in her personal life have shifted so there is more balance and connection, plus more opportunity for quality time and experiences. And her career continues to thrive. Relationships with her coworkers and clients have actually strengthened and she is thriving in her new role and responsibilities.
This came with discipline, diligence, and sacrifice. A willingness to expand her thinking and consider new options. She says it is so worth it. She’s no longer running on empty, but has rhythms and routines that keep her from being completely depleted, and have moved her from surviving toward thriving.
So how about you? Are you ready to so the hard work to move beyond stress and distraction like Leslie?
The first step for each of us in this process is to regulate and recenter: quiet the noise, calm the mind and body, connect the heart, open up and reflect. I myself have to come back to this step, especially in the seasons of life that are very full of activity (even when it’s good things).
We have to have the guts to pull back and out. Take a beat. Take a break. Take a breath. Step off the hamster wheel.
Put down your phone. Turn off the TV. Silence the radio. Quiet the noise. Create space.
Even just 2 minutes of silence at a time can change the game. Practice coming to the present moment and tuning into how you’re feeling. This builds your self-awareness and emotional intelligence. Your heart, mind, and body are speaking to you about what’s working and what isn’t. Are you listening?
Feel like you’re ready but don’t know what to do next?
Read (or listen to) part 1 of my book Take It All Apart: How to Live, Lead, and Work with Intention or take the course on part 1, Rebuilding Connection. This isn’t a box to be checked or a magic process to be followed, but an invitation to work through questions, concepts, and frameworks that allow you to chart your own path beyond stress and distraction.
I hope you will choose to live, lead, and work beyond stress and distraction. The world needs more leaders who have the courage to be a calm, connected, intentional presence. Let that be you!
Grit, Gratitude, and Grace 