I Wish I Was a Robot

“I wish I was a robot,” was something a client recently said in the middle of a session. Although I haven’t had anyone else phrase it like this, it is a common sentiment expressed by my coaching clients.

At the root of it are things like:
“I wish I didn’t have all these feelings.”
“I wish I didn’t worry about these things.”
“My life would be so much easier if I wasn’t this way.”

I get it, I have walked this path myself and I still have thoughts like this sometimes.

I have learned on my own healing journey that radical acceptance, learning to process and release, and allowing joy are some of the hardest parts of walking this path we call life.

Being a robot is arguably an easier existence…especially within the cultural norms and systems we have built in our society. We celebrate people who “have it all together” and who can “keep pushing through no matter what.” We want family members, friends, colleagues, and anyone else we encounter to make our life comfortable and easy, or at least not be a disruptor to the comfort and ease we’ve worked so hard to create.

Friends, that is not living and that is not leading well.

As a robot in this sense, you may be physically alive and operating but there is no connection, no dreams, no love, joy, or hope. Just existence. Neutral. Gray. Plain. Soul crushing, spirit killing existence.

And look around…isn’t that how most of us are operating? Just trying to survive…most of the time on autopilot? We don’t know what to do with our thoughts, feelings, dreams, desires, and so we shove them out or away. We carry or bury them until they get so quiet they simply die.

Sure we can produce from this space. Day after day, week after week, going through the motions with no meaning.

But we cannot create from this space. We cannot connect from this space. We cannot be alive in this space.

Good news, there is another way. So many of us who have the courage to want to really live simply need to learn these practices: radical acceptance, process and release, allowing joy.

Instead of fighting what is: who we are, what we think, how we feel, what has happened, etc. we simply need to sit with it and get curious about it. Yes, this is uncomfortable and sometimes even scary but once we learn how to do it, it opens up the possibility for freedom because when we stay in avoidance or denial vs. acceptance, we can’t move to the next step to process and release, or through to the ultimate step of allowing joy to be present again.

For example, I am a deeply feeling person (who sometimes wishes she was a robot).

When big feelings come up for me, I try not to judge them or myself. I no longer try to rationalize or punish myself, I simply allow them to exist. They are a point of information for me that I do not have to allow to impact my thoughts, words, actions, or reactions. I simply need to get curious. “What is this feeling trying to tell me?” I am not my feelings and my feelings do not control me. They empower me to make informed decisions.

Once I see a feeling as a source of information, I am no longer scared of it. I may need to do some work to process and release it. This is where breathing comes in. Feelings will flow through us if we allow them to. They come and go like waves and deep breathing allows the feeling to move and release vs. stay stuck. If that isn’t working and you can, other things that help: physical activity, journaling, prayer, allowing yourself to scream or cry (make sure you are in a safe place to do so), etc.

Aside from feelings, we have to detach from our thoughts as well. If you are someone who spends a lot of time in your head, worrying or ruminating, here is another grounding and empowering practice: Byron Katie’s questions from, “The Work” can help us get out of a spin and recenter. She tells us to ask ourselves: 1) Is it true? 2) Can I absolutely know it’s true? 3) How do I react, what happens, when I believe that thought? and 4) Who would I be without the thought? 

We humans enjoy beating ourselves up for what has been. What has helped me continue to get better at moving on, is making a ritual of letting that situation go. It happened and there is nothing I can do about it now. What do I need to do in order to let that be in the past, and move forward now? I can keep my energy stuck in the past, or I can reset and use that energy to move forward. That’s it. We get to choose.

Once you can come back to neutral in your thinking or feeling, then you can allow joy to be present again. This may be the hardest part. We have a lot of thoughts of unworthiness, shame, guilt. What I have come to know for sure is that God would be disappointed that we weren’t able to enjoy the gifts that He has given us.

Ecclesiastes 8:15 – So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun. I love how this inspires us to allow enjoyment so we can be filled with joy. We think we must experience joy to find enjoyment but it is often the other way around.

Each day I seek out small moments of enjoyment. Nothing extravagant. Two minutes to stand with my feet in the grass, a few moments alone with my cup of coffee on the sun porch, three deep breaths and a smile in the middle of the day, soaking in a kind word or text from a friend or client, listening to a favorite song on my drive to work, etc. Seeking enjoyment has brought me so much joy and meaning, especially on the seemingly mundane days.

The point to all this? While it may seem easier to be a robot, that leads to a meaningless and fruitless existence. It doesn’t allow us to connect and create in the spaces we lead.

What if instead, we committed to growing in our self and social awareness, emotional intelligence, and self-regulation? Then we can experience all that life has to offer with…a meaningful existence…and find that grounded, open voice inside us to come back to…no matter what happens.

This is the type of leader the world needs right now. Will you be one of them?