The Role of Women

The role of women has changed over time. What is the role of women today? What does the world need from women right now? What are women being called to in this moment?

These are questions I have continued to reflect on and discuss with executives, leadership teams, community members, and friends. How might you answer this question?

It feels like this conversation about gender roles has become a fight when it doesn’t need to be. I’d like to challenge us all to expand our thinking and work to drop some of the inherent beliefs we may carry that force us into simplistic thinking, because this conversation is much too complex for that level of thought.

Let’s step back for a minute and look at the feminine and masculine traits that exist inside us all, but tend to be more prominent in one gender or the other. (If you search for divine feminine and divine masculine you will find these – I’m referencing an article from Veronica Bennett).

Divine Feminine
Intuitive. Grounded. Receptive. Reflective. Strong. Empathetic. Compassionate.
Magnetic. Supportive. Vulnerable. Authentic. Creative. Open. Trusting.

Divine Masculine
Present. Logical. Disciplined. Focused. Confident. Protective. Honest.
Responsible. Accountable. Clear. Stable. Courageous. Assertive.

When we look at these traits we see that the energy of the masculine could be described as: Protective, Active, Expansive, Giving, Outward.
Whereas the feminine traits could be described as: Receptive, Passive, Contractive, Intuitive, Inward.

As I read those descriptors it is very clear to me that we live in a world dominated by the masculine energy. Our culture and many of our organizations recognize and reward the masculine approach. I believe as leaders we are being called to explore and take a more balanced approach. More importantly, we are being called to heal our wounds because today, we see the wounded masculine and feminine energies frequently. Here’s what they look like:

Wounded Masculine
Perpetrator. Abuse of Power. Dominance. Aggression. Control. Competitive.
Critical. Avoidant. Unstable. Unsupportive. Abusive.

Wounded Female
Victim. Powerless. Weak. Manipulative. Withholding. Needy. Co-dependent.
Overly-sensitive. Overly-emotional. Resentful.

I invite you now to think about where, how often and just how these show up…inside yourself, inside your family, inside your organization, inside the communities you are part of. What are the common traits?

How do we move from wounded to divine? How do we find the right balance? This will look different for different circumstances but I’d like to offer ideas about where to start. It begins with us as individuals.

As a female that naturally possesses many of the wounded masculine traits as dominant, I’ve had a lot of work to do. I was competitive since the day I was born and I got praised for good grades, being a good athlete, and just being better than most at what I did. I had a successful sales career…and I hurt people, made choices I regret, and I was empty inside.

I had to go back to the beginning and really think about why I was the way I was. Were the patterns, habits and beliefs that had formed in me early on really me? Were they working for me? Who was I beyond all that? Was this the life I wanted to live? The person I wanted to be?

Most of us are unaware of how we are showing up and how we are impacting the world…we think it’s just the way we are…but I’m living proof that we have the power to choose intentionally. We have the power to decide what legacy we want to leave, and the privilege to explore what a good life looks like for us. I invite you to do that, and my book, Take It All Apart: How to Live, Lead and Work with Intention was written just for that purpose.

We must have the courage to be the change we want to see in the world. External change starts with our internal transformation. “We need more healed leaders. We cannot pursue the healing and positive transformation of our families, communities, workplaces, and the world until we are fully committed to our own work and healing. Do your work, then be healed. We need you.” (Take It All Apart)

Once we are committed to our work, we can begin to examine our families, our communities and our organizations. What season are we in? What strategy and culture are we pursuing? What traits will help us get to the right place? How do we ensure those qualities are represented in our ideation and our decision making?

In our families we go through seasons, and these traits might naturally exist out of balance, but that’s when we can pursue the other traits more intentionally. For example, when I have a client in a busy season with kids activities, the masculine/outward are going to be dominant. In what spaces and how are we pulling in the feminine? These allow for rest and building relationships in the midst of all the busy.

I work with an organization that is performance-driven and male-dominated. Instead of trying to pull the masculine energy back or down, we are investing to push the feminine energy up and out. We are coaching individual female leaders to help them show up in a healthy, confident way and learn how to engage with the masculine energy (even when wounded) in a productive way.

This looks like staying in it when conversations get intense, and learning to disarm when things become combative. We are committed to appealing to the masculine logic in our conversations, and also offering another way of leading and decision making that likely hasn’t been experienced before. We are finding male leaders who believe in a new way, and inviting them into how they can be part of this evolution and advocate in the spaces we are not.

I believe this is the role women are being called into. To let go of a victim mentality and any bitterness, so we can lead in a healthy and whole way. To find our voice, so we can invite ourselves to the table and ask to participate. To lead the way in healing, so we can have the courage and energy to work for positive change. To dream and envision a new way, then invite others into that vision. To become unoffendable, because this is not easy and we want to embody wholeness and goodness at every step. To include all voices, because we are natural community builders.

Women, are you up for the challenge? Men, will you support this work?