The Darkness

Always present.
Some days
a thin veil.
Almost unnoticed.

Other days
an overwhelming swell,
threatening to take over.

Will it ever change?
Can I bear the pain?

I feel scared, vulnerable.
Loneliness and helplessness
creep toward me.

I search for the light.
Desperate on the inside.
Pretending on the outside.

Anxiety and sadness
wear me down.
The darkness invades.

As I sit in it,
I consider giving myself over fully.
The depths of darkness
calling and comforting
like an old friend.

But what if I never come out?
Would giving in mean that I’m weak?
What about all the people saying
the darkness is bad?
And so my resisting persists.

Until one day, I am just too tired.

I surrender and face
the all-consuming darkness
in front of me.

Giving in.
Allowing it to swish
and swirl around me…
to cover me completely.
No resistance.
Pure acceptance.

Tears fall.
And then everything
pours out…
wild and uncontrollable.

After the release,
much to my surprise,
I see the light again.

This darkness is nothing to fear.
This darkness is an ever-present teacher.
Existing simply to remind me
of the light.